Outage at 8

At a quarter to eight this morning we had an outage, it was just like being back in the Dominican republic, where they happen often. That is the electricity failed, but when I looked out at our street other people still had their lights on, strange I thought. Slowly it dawned on me what had happened, our main fuse must have blown.

Whilst we were away on holiday we had our bathroom refurbished and we had treated ourselves to having a shower installed, the new shower is electric. Before I left for my hols I had laid in a length of 10mm cable which ran back to the main fuseboard. As I used to be a jobbing electrician I knew that I had to connect this cable to a special circuit breaker called an RCB which protects equipment and people in bathrooms should a fault occur. The other end, at the shower was to be connected by my plumber. Now it's not a big deal to do this, it's like putting a plug on something, and as the plumber was my brother I knew he would do it right, which he did.

The whole job worked wonderfully well and we were now enjoying our morning showers, until this morning. Jackie was soaped up and just about to rinse when, blap: everything stopped. So what had happened?

Well this is what had happened. We had the washing machine running, the imersion heater on, coffee machine on, electric fire in our bedroom on and a few lights. That accumulation of items electical had just put too much strain on our old mains fuse and it popped, although to be quite honest I never heard a pop, nothing, nada.

I got on the phone to Scottish power, our supplier, they said they'ld send a man round within the next three hours, he actually arrived within the hour which was more than pretty good I'ld say.

He took one look at my installation and I heard the sharp intake of sucking air through his teeth, followed by a "who put this in for you". whoops. You can't mount that RCB on OUR bit of wood. It had been the only available space left in a tight space to fit it, but our angel of mercy was NOT well pleased. And the tails are not double insulated, he informed me. whoops. Did you inform us that you were adding additional load to this supply, err no, I said. Well I'm going to have to disconnect it, and he proceeded to undo all my good work. Yor going to have to get a qualified contractor to re-install this and your bonding looks a bit suspect as well.

I felt very small, and rather foolish, especially as I'ld done this sort of work for nigh on 40 years prior to giving it up about 5 years ago. Thats when they introduced part "p" building regs, and the new 17th edition of the regulations. So these days I'm out of the loop and I've done it wrong. Actually a few years ago it would have been perfectly safe but time and health and safety marches on.

But the main problem he had was that I had put it on his bit, or Scottish powers bit of wood. Now when the house was built it would have belonged to Norweb or whatever the electricity company was called back then. Now 100 years on it would seem that Scottish power own that bit of wood and I can't screw anything onto it. funny old world.

So I talk to a fully qualified spark later in the day whose going to pop round and see if he can reconnect it, but not on his board and fill in a notification of additional load at number 45. Only a certified spark can do this, not me whose done the job for 40 years, but that's progress for you. Ok the tails to the RCB should have been double insulated but it was a small technicality. They wouldn't have bothered in the Dominican Republic, their health and safty laws are a little more relaxed, and don't you love them for it.

So our angel pops in a new 60amp fuse, when we really need more like 80 amp, and chats about music to me and how his sons into music, how he used to play but doesn't anymore and he's out the door, were back on the grid, but minus our new shower. Yes folks it's great to be back, welcome to the crazy world of health and safety, or is it more to do with the ownership of a 15" x 12" bit of wood.

Greyland

We landed at Manchester, the big bird had been surfing the jet stream for eight hours, dragging us, kicking and screaming, from our tropical island before dumping us in a grey land. Not only is it grey, its raining, and after a month of 28 degrees it's cold, it's 6am, we're tired, jet lagged and the taxi driver wants to talk to us. I mean why don't they understand that if you've got passengers coming from west to east, especially overnight they won't want to enter into a dialogue about clutches. My fault, I shouldn't have mentioned my clutch going the day before we left to go on holiday, I don't know why I did, but I did.

It's now been five days since we arrived in Greyland, and for all that time we haven't even caught a glimpse of the sun. It's been blowing a gale most days, they even had to evacuate workers from a rig, its been that windy. On top of that it has done nothing but rain. It's as if someone's taken a giant vacuum cleaner and sucked all the colour from out of the world and it turns umbrellas inside out at the same time. No-ones got a smile on their face, they're screwed up and downcast towards the pavements as they battle against the elements eager to get home and cosy up around the fire.

Welcome home, friends all say, but they seem to have a certain smugness that says, serves you right. We've had to put up with this greyland whilst you've been sunning yourselves on some Caribbean beach. I can't blame them, I do the same.

Mind you it wasn't all beaches, we did quite a bit of that but we also had adventures. We hired a 4x4 and did some rough back road stuff which meant crossing rivers, exciting stuff crossing rivers. I mean your never sure that you'll make it even though there's a track on the other side. But with no other vehicles around it's a bit touch and go.

We hear lots of tales from people who have been to the Dominican republic, mainly to all inclusives, who tell tales of a lawless land where they have to be escorted beyond the perimeter by armed security guards. This is a complete nonsense, we have found nothing but helpful happy people everywhere we go, especially off the beaten track. Of course there's going to be bad apples everywhere, and it pays to be careful, but that goes just as much for Greyland as it does on our tropical island.

Yes, it's always hard to get back into the swing of things, but slowly we are slipping back into life back here. I just wish the sun would shine. The cold I can just about cope with when it's sparkling bright but this blanket of grey just sends me scurrying to my holiday snap shots, conjuring up those memories of clear blue skys, tourquoise oceans, exquisite flowers and the fragrance of tropical nights.

Ah well, there's snowdrops out and the crocus are pushing their violet petals skyward so it can't be long till it's spring. So at least there's a silver cloud, it's just that right now the clouds are stretched from horizon to horizon with no hint of that silver lining. Still it's cosy here by the fireside, but I can't wait to board that big bird that deposits me back into the technicolour world where I'm inspired to get out my water colours, and explore the whole pallet, where I'm not restricted to Paynes grey and Greyland.